From: 8/23/99 NY Times
New Language Brewing In Iran
by: Associated Press
If the socioeconomic dynamics of the middle east driven predominantly
by Arab interests hasn't yet caused fundamental resentment with their
non-Arab neighbors, namely the Persian society that inhabits present day
Iran, one must look no further than quaint Sonoma Avenue for evidence of a
cultural rift emerging. The separatist faction known as the ITO has
fashioned a new language from their headquarters, dubbed Farsonics, in order
to shed light on the decaying Persian culture. According to an ITO press
release, "...Persian culture has been infiltrated by foreign sources.
First, Alexander the Great stripped our country of its Persian heritage and
replaced it with Greek idealism, then the Arabs forced Islam unto our
beautiful society and their influence has even seeped into our language of
Farsi. The hypocricy of muslim clerics has forever doomed Iran and the
The ITO created Farsonics to renew sentiments of nationalism and to shed
light on the now defunct Persian culture.
"We iz rufless," said the ITO President, whose identity is not known. It is
believed that he is an expert at computer inflitration, video games, and
When asked if the ITO could threaten America with its terrorist roots, the
President replied, "Choo say? Ah seeyed we iz rufless AND dangerous. We
got plenty of stanky choseses to devastate y'all mo-fuckas." It is unkown
at this time what stanky choseses are.
However, some within the ITO point to the beauty of Farsonics. A key member
on the ITO's board to expand Farsonics said, "Indeed, farsonics izza
superior language. For example, it eliminates all meaningless, whitey
adjectives and places greater emphasis on the true meaning behind each
word...like 'faine.' No more time consuming greetings like, 'Hi, how are
you? How's your family?' In Farsonics, all that is assumed with, 'Hiyall.'
All that victorian blathering about how much one likes something is
relegated to a simple, 'lu'dat!'" Another example by this ITO member, who
is known by the moniker bro-n-law, was the Farsonics version of asking
someone if they were preparing to leave: "Iz you leevz?"
Excerpts from a phone conversation with the ITO's founder sheds more light
on the role and nature of Farsonics:
NYT: We understand that you founded the ITO.
ITO: Raigh, raigh
NYT: How exactly did the concept of the ITO arise?
NYT: Are there presently any women or children within the ITO?
ITO: Lu'dem gaps.
NYT: I see. What about weaponry?
ITO: Mah red-eye izza dangerous...listen...
The phone interview broke up then with a loud, crackling sound accompanied
by laughing in the background. For reasons unknown, college and university
janitors and cops have born the full brunt of the ITO's wrath. Another
member of the ITO coined the term, "pok crackas" for their sentiments
regarding police officers.
From the AP. All rights reserved.
Editors note: This is part 2 of our continued coverage regarding the ITO
uprising throughout the world.
From: 10/18/99 NY Times
The Anti-Ghetto Movement
by: The Associated Press
Albany, America - In today's pax-Americana diplomacy, one wouldn't expect
the proliferation of the ITO to go unnoticed domestically. Indeed it
hasn't. Unleashing a strategem to deal with the Albany based faction known
as the ITO, President Clinton yesterday presented a bill for Congressional
approval to outlay resources in dealing with the growing terrorist presence.
It is believed that bill shall assign a special task force from the Army
with funds totalling upwards of $1 billion. Washington insiders were
shocked at the size of the proposal and many echoed sentiments that
Clinton's hard-line stance also served as a booster for the Democratic party
in the upcoming elections.
"Certainly the ubiquitous presence of the ITO serves as a reminder to the
country that terrorist factions do indeed exist domestically and that their
danger must be dealt with," the president said yesterday in his outlining of
Democratic presidential candidate Al Gore reaffirmed his support for the
bill, "Not since the Truman Doctrine has a bill been presented to Congress
in dealing with containment. The fall of communism in the east has appeased
that great document, but a new menace presents itself and must be dealt with
in a similar fashion. Terrorism must be stomped out before it burns wild."
The president also emphasized the need for bilateral support in passing the
bill, but it is widely believed that unanimous support does exist in the
"This anti-ghetto movement shall not proceed without severe consequences,"
an ITO release detailed. "The ghetto has long been a haven for
revolutionary roots...the framers of your blessed Constitution were from the
ghetto's of England before they were carted off and shipped to America like
slaves. The passing of this bill will only add fuel to the fire which is
already burning amidst this whitey citizenry."
In an exclusive CNN interview with Christian Amanpour, the president of the
ITO said, "The friend of a gap is a gap of a friend. We iz sexy and want to
When asked about what methods the ITO might take in dealing with the
expected passing of the bill, the president of the ITO emphatically said,
"We shall release a chos dat gonna stank reeaal baad. Dat shit gonna be
deep and fick. Y'all gonna be runnin fo yo laives. Remember dat Persian
Gulf syndrome yo army sufferin from? Wha-chu fink dat came from...MAH ASS!"
Indeed, it is believed that the ITO does possess the technology to produce
When told of the ITO's plan to retaliate with chemical warfare, President
Clinton reportedly turned pale and nervous. "This only serves as a booster
for bilateral support," and hurriedly walked away.
The Associated Press
All Rights Reserved
Go back to da ghetto!!!!